How do you tell your sister that you do not want her husband and sons to come to your house? My brother-in-law is mentally and verbally abusive. She has admitted this to me. Her sons are leaches. They are adults who do nothing.

Son number one is in his 30s and lives at home. He was on his "own" for a few years. Own is in quotes because while he did not live in her home, she went into debt to support him: paid for his car, insurance, rent. Now he is back. According to my sister, he wants to move out, but in the meantime he would like two of the bedrooms - one for his bedroom and one for a sitting room. Oh yes, he also complains about the food she buys. It isn't healthy enough for him. However, he smokes cigarettes and pot and has done meth.

Son number two is in college according to my sister and lives out of town. However when she talks about it, I know he isn't in college, at least not to the level that she thinks he is. The facts don't ring true. For example, she states that he has enough credits to get his two year degree; he just needs to apply for it. He is at a four year college; they don't have associate degrees. Last spring, she said he was taking two math classes at the same time. Those of you who have taken college math know you don't take two math classes at the same time. Some days she tells me he is almost done. The program that "he is almost done" with is a five year program. Requirements to get into the program are rigorous including letters of recommendation, completed essays, project, SATS (he never sat for the SATS), extracurricular etc. He is almost 30. Unfortunately he has taken out student loans which my sister co-signed.

Son number three is 22. He thinks he wants to be a teacher so he is taking some classes at the community college and sometimes he works.

My sister as said that she has always set her expectations low; that way she is can't be disappointed. Her expectations for son number one was "at least he hasn't been arrested." She's had to lower that one as he has. Number two - he's in college and living on his own. True to a point. When our mother was in the hospital dying of cancer, she had to leave the hospital to transfer money into son number twos checking account. Husband, sons, and son number two's friends couldn't or wouldn't do it. He knew where she was. If he comes up to visit, she has to give him gas money. Son number three - well he doesn't need to borrow any money. Of course she is paying for his food, medical insurance etc. but I guess that doesn't count.

Her husband. He is a whole blog by himself. She has talked about leaving him for years. She as always felt that she is a single parent.

If I allow them to come over for a family gathering, this is what will happen: First of all, an email will be sent stating that if you come over and you want to drink, you will have a designated driver. My sister's family will see this as a challenge. So they will drink and see if we enforce it. They will drink anyway even if I don't send out the email. (The only time her husband has been at my house was on one fourth of July a number of years ago. He came late with his own lawn chair and beer. He set his lawn chair in the driveway, sat down and drank while watching the fireworks. When the fireworks were over, he told my sister and the boys, it was time to go.)
My sister will do nothing as when she has opposed her family in the past, she is miserable at home for weeks. Of course she still has to clean and cook for them while they give her the silent treatment.

There will be a confrontation.

Over the last couple of years, my sister has told me a lot about her husband and her sons, so I'm not making this up. I am certain that if this occurs, I will not remain silent. Unlike my sister, my spine is firmly in place.

I suggested we have the get together at a nearby amusement park. At first my sister said that since they do not allow drinking there, her husband would not go. Saturday is his beer day. Now she tells me he won't go there because the picnic tables are under the trees and we would have to deal with bird poop. I suggested a hat.

I would like my brothers and sister to get together again but I don't want my sister's family here, just her. The last time we were all together was for a family dinner after our mother died. Her family sat at one end of the table. It was a wonderful restaurant with excellent food but her husband didn't like it because they didn't serve hamburgers except on the children's' menu. Once they were done eating, they left. My sister came in her own car, supposedly because there was no room for the entire family in one.

When my son got married, my sister's family came. The husband and sons did not want to attend the wedding part but wanted to go straight to the reception. When they weren't allowed to, they sat in the car. Once they were allowed in to the reception area, they, including my sister, sat in the far corner even though there was a table set up for the groom's family. When dinner was being served (buffet) they wanted go first, however there was an order and they were told to wait. At the time, our mother was still alive. I asked my sister if she would help with mom so I could enjoy my son's wedding. She said no. Fortunately my older brother did help as did my niece. My mom had so much fun at that wedding but my sister and her family ignored her. The only thing that my sister said to me at the wedding was that mom looked tired. However, mom wanted to dance with our her grandchildren. You guess it, they wouldn't do it. I don't even think they went up to the bride and groom to congratulate them. My mom was so upset with their behavior but she wouldn't say anything to my sister.

What I want to do is only have my sister come. That may happen anyway as her husband always as a reason why he can't come to certain things. He hasn't been to Thanksgiving or Christmas get together in years. I should say that my sister always as a reason why he can't come. Last Christmas eve at my younger brother's house, her husband had to work the day after Christmas so he couldn't be there. Her older son never showed up. The other two were obnoxious. I know that my sister-in-law did not want my sister's kids there. I think she was happy when the older one didn't show.

Anyway, I do want my sister to come over. If that can't happen then we have it at the state park. They allow drinking and her husband can wear a hat. While I oppose drinking and driving, at least the park ranger will be the one to stop them (after I call it in)

Why not have it at her house? Until last year, it had been. But according to my sister, she doesn't want to do it because of son number one. That was the first reason. Second time it was the dog, he's sick. I suspect it is because her husband drinks on Saturday. He probably drinks the rest of the week too.

All I can do is be there for my sister when she wants to talk. I have a pending medical issue: suspicions cells and I do not need this stress. Of course, I didn't want them over before I found this out. I just do not want the hassle. And really, why should I.

Sunday morning ramblings.